Seattle Tattler

Goodbye Seattle Tattler!

2005-12-29T00:16:00.000-08:00

The Seattle Tattler is no longer a "blog." Look for our first print edition in 2007. Yes, I said 2007.

Want to see a real Seattle-centric blog? Go to MiscMedia.com

Want to see a movie about how ridiculous Seattle can be? See Paul Alien

-Rex Lameray

Rotting Potato - Day 3

2005-12-28T00:05:00.000-08:00

Potato on the scanner - day 3

I'd like to wrap up this potato-on-the-scanner project early. After quickly acquiring a nice patina, the spud may not be disintegrating rapidly enough for a daily scan.

Oh, and this blog is over! After less than a month, I have found an entity willing to pay me for my worthless scribblings, at the expense of the smelly masses who will no longer be able to enjoy my crap for free on the internet anymore.

Rotting Potato - Day 2

2005-12-27T00:03:00.000-08:00

Potato on the scanner - day 2

Seattle Tattler Now Just A Rotting Potato

2005-12-26T00:02:00.000-08:00

I have carved a primitive face out of a slice of potato and placed it on my scanner. Every day I will scan the potato and post the images here. This should prove far more interesting than previous Seattle Tattler posts.

Here is some shit I have been working on for this blog which you will not see until my book comes out:
Seattle Film Geek Todd Redenius is a Remedial Genius
Jim Hogshire is Going to Prison
How Shane Godsky Saved America
Vern Fonk's Funky Bunch
Queen of Corporate Schlock: Local Media Personality Mona Lee Locke
Literary Carpetbagger series #2: Mike Daisey
Seattle's Best Newspaper - The Seattle Sinner
Whore: Gary Locke's Big Money Adventures in The Private Sector

Paul Allen in the News

2005-12-25T23:58:00.000-08:00

Looks like Seattle's Paul Allen is getting excoriated in the Aussie press:
Poor little rich man - After he left Microsoft, Paul Allen had cash to burn but little to do
- The Sydney Morning Herald - 12.23.2005

In other Paul Allen news, it looks like the creators of the "Paul Alien" mockumentary are trying to capitalize on the success of the Seahawks with new cover art for their dvd, now available on Amazon.

Paul Alien star Three Finger Jack at the Seahawks/Colts game - December 24, 2005

ANTI-WAR HAPPY BUNNY KITTY EASTER LOVE FEST

2005-12-24T01:38:00.000-08:00

Merry Christmas from the people that brough you the ANTI-WAR HAPPY BUNNY KITTY EASTER LOVE FEST on April 20th, 2003.

Seattle's Indieflix Receives Tattler Christmas Pardon

2005-12-23T23:50:00.000-08:00

Oooh how I'd like to write a little expose on Seattle's Indieflix, which repeatedly announced and delayed it's launch over the past year. Their original filmmakers agreement required the filmmakers to sign over the internet rights to their film "in perpetuity, throughout the universe." The current agreement, downloadable at their site, still contains some questionable items which stretch the credibility of their claims. And they claim to be democratizing the film industry, giving indie flimmakers an outlet and an income, that kind of nonsense.

Indieflix got a great write-up in the New York Times, a puff-piece by someone who failed to do their research. And there are some other things going on with them that I won't elaborate on here because of my holiday spirit. Give em' another six months and then we'll do a short Indieflix update which will include interviews with some of the filmmakers who have signed up.

Here's the bio for Indieflix principal Gian-Carlo Scandiuzzi from indieflix.com:
"Carlo graduated from the Ecole Superieure D'Art Dramatique of Geneva where he worked in theater, film and television before moving to the United States in 1978. In 1979, Carlo started Modern Productions, a music production and promotion company, bringing to Seattle The Police, Devo, The Ramones, Iggy Pop, and many others. In 1986, Carlo started Agate Films which produced many feature films, among them: Prototype, Apex, and Dark Drive. He has acted in various films including Bugsy, The Public Eye, Indecency, Another You, Casanova's Kiss, and Killing Zoe. Carlo is CEO of Clear Pictures, a production company with offices in Seattle and Los Angeles. He lives in Seattle, and when not producing movies, he enjoys the love and support of his wife, Lalie and his children, Sebastien and Nathalie."

I know people are supposed to eggagerate their bios and lie on their resumes, but the "Modern Productions" part of his resume is simply not true, that according to one of our long time sources who was also active in the 1980s Seattle punk rock scene.

Here's something else that's suspect: Whoopi Goldberg joins IndieFlix Advisory Board. Now what can Whoopi Goldberg possibly know about indie DVD distribution on the internet? Why the name dropping? This is Seattle, not L.A.

Here's the complete Indieflix blog so far - one entry!

Happy Holidays, Indieflix. See you in six months!

Super Deluxe - Worst Seattle Band Ever

2005-12-22T02:42:00.000-08:00

Brandon Blake of Super Deluxe - beware of guys with two first names

Did you see that recent Simpsons where the cast of "The O.C." get their asses kicked by a guy in a Snoopy Costume at Knots Berry Farm? This reminds me of the band Super Deluxe - some candy-ass wannabe pop stars who got some major label attention somehow but still sucked. Short blog, gotta work, holidays. Fuck these extensive posts - Super Deluxe doesn't deserve more than two paragraphs even in the lowliest blog.

The Paul G. Alien Family Foundation

2005-12-21T02:45:00.000-08:00

The January 2006 issue of Seattle Business Monthly has a four page spread devoted to Paul Allen - a devoted tongue bath that really just rehashes his PR in a cut-and-paste job. "Living Largesse, by Nick Horton" has great full page photos of Allen and Sue Coliton, director of the Paul G. Allen Family Foundation.

Here's the real story:

"When we opened Vulcan's offices in 1986, our first order of business was to establish a charitable foundation that would address some of the needs we saw to launder the vast wealth accumulated through our exclusive business deals with space aliens. Despite our enthusiasm, we knew we couldn't take on all the work ourselves..."

The Paul G. Alien Family Foundation website at PaulAllen.org

Layne Staley - the Biggest Junkie in Seattle History

2005-12-20T01:30:00.000-08:00

Layne Staley's University District apartment was littered with crack pipes, moldy take out food, bloody syringes, vomit, urine, porn magazines, whiskey bottles and feces when they found his emaciated body.

The corpse of the junkie singer for Seattle metal band Alice In Chains was bald, toothless and covered with sores. He had been dead for days.

I saw Lame at the Queen Anne QFC during his later years, buying an armload of cookies, candy and other sugary treats.

He should have stuck with the "soft" drugs - the kind of "smokeable flowers" that aren't opium, and that carry only "lowest priority misdemeanor" status in the city of Seattle.

The good stuff is now going for $25 a gram in Seattle, with no bulk discounts.

Speaking of that, thanks to "Biff" for finally hooking up the Tattler with a bag of the high quality BC "stank." I went through alot of pain and wasted time and money to get to this point, and I am going to hoard this stash - no sharing. The blueberry-smelling, sticky but not wet bag worked out to about $25 a gram. And why not? It's a sellers market, and the top end on the chain of endless middlemen and low level retailers are the big boys who face serious legal risks.

Number one in the Drug Dealers of America rulebook is: double your money. There's no reason to fuck around in the scary drug world unless you can sell your product for twice what you paid for it, minimum. Nobody rides for free.

Literary Carpetbagger of the month: Phil "Book Deal" Campbell

2005-12-18T01:28:00.000-08:00

Seattle a Pit Stop for Writers on Way to Success in New York City

Phil Campbell. A genius. Spent two or three years in Seattle and then moved to NYC and wrote a book about it, Zioncheck for President: A True Story of Idealism and Madness in American Politics. It's the story of Grant Cogswell, a local lunatic, activist, and "former punk rocker." Indeed, the name of Bob Mould, former Husker Du frontman is dropped in Phil's introduction to the world of Grant.

Phil Campbell endured a psycho housemate, getting fired by the Stranger, and other indignities during his short stay in Seattle.

This reporter was interviewed by Phil for the book, but his caustic comments ended upon the cutting room floor. I think it's a great book, and Phil really captured the magic of the late 1999 Seattle world of alt-weekly writers, the WTO, Grant's run for city council, and inebriation. Stay tuned for an eventual interview with Grant, Phil and also a full-on review of Zioncheck!

Next month: Mike Daisey

A Three Finger Jack Christmas Eve

2005-12-17T01:26:00.000-08:00

Looks like the folks that made the Paul Allen satire Paul Alien have temporarily changed their cover art to capitalize on both the Seahawks success and the eerie resemblance the star Three Finger Jack has to Santa Claus.

Look for Jack at his usual spot when the Seahawks play their next home game on December 24th.

South Park Creator Buys Swanky Belltown Condo

2005-12-16T22:18:00.000-08:00

'South Park' Creator Goes 'Chic' as Seattle's Condos Lure Rich
- Bloomberg - 12.16.2005

"Nirvana, the band that inspired the 1990s "grunge" rock movement, got its start in Belltown's dive bars and clubs."

Frank Blethen - Born to Be Rich

2005-12-15T01:02:00.000-08:00

Seattle Times publisher Frank A. Blethen is a Seattle rich kid who has been rather annoying to me over the years. When I first arrived here, I wondered why the headlines in the Times invariably had something to do with Boeing selling another jet. I mean, who cares if some quasi-local multinational corporation sells another freakin' 747 to Saudi Arabia? Not interesting.

Boeing beats Airbus in big deal
Australian airline Qantas announced a firm order for 45 Boeing 787 jets, worth more than $8 billion at list prices.
Lead Story, - The Seattle Times - 12.14.2005

These days the PR his rag rehashes comes from Microsoft too, but that's another story.

Alleged Union-Busting, Whiskey-Swilling, Bong-Toking Frank Blethen

Frank endorsed G.W. Bush for president in hopes of getting the inheritance tax reworked. He wanted to make sure he would be able to pass on the free ride he got handed to by his elders on to his own offspring.

His constant claims that the Seattle Times Company has been losing money for years are laughable - simply a ploy to try and weasel out of the Joint Operating Agreement with the Seattle P-I. Follow the money trail and you'll see that Blethen and his family own a chain of newspapers, stocks, bonds, and real estate, some of which was just sold to Paul Allen at a huge profit.

And yet he's an indie media activist! Much like disgraced former police chief Norm Stamper has recast himself as a bearded hippie drug legalization advocate peacenik, Blethen has created an underdog persona. It's that whole "family owned newspaper" hogwash. A very wealthy, powerful family dude!

Stick it to "the man" Frank!

The Hollywood Underground Film Festival Wants Your Money!

2005-12-14T01:56:00.000-08:00

A re-run from the archives...

January 2003
-------------------------------------------
The Hollywood Underground Film Festival Wants Your Money!
FEST FOUNDER NOW INTERNET CASINO OWNER: LENDS NAME TO HUFF 2003 TELEMARKETERS
by Rex Lameray
Recently I filled out an online application for the Hollywood Underground Film Festival. An email reply from Adam Zoblotsky advised me to "call our Hollywood offices to arrange shipment of your VHS viewing tape." A few days later I got a call from a HUFF agent, Brian, who seemed unnaturally excited about my film, especially seeing as he didn't know anything about it other than the title. Brian could "see the Warner's sign" from his office window, and spun about "how exciting it would be for you to come to Hollywood."

I played along until we got to the punchline: the entry fee was a whopping $300 and he wanted to get my credit card number right away. I said I'd "think about it."

A few days later he called me back, having "checked out" my website. He gave me the hard sell again, using tired 90's-era dotcom yuppie lawyer catchphrases like "I'm not blowing smoke up your ass here," and "this is your opportunity to network with the players in the film industry. It's copacetic!" Brian stressed that: "We're not in this for the money, it's for the love of independent and underground film."

He told me repeatedly that this was their "eighth year." Take me for a rube, will you, my new intelligence-insulting friend? And what kind of "underground" event uses the word "Hollywood" in its name anyway? Some quick research revealed that HUFF founder Adam Zoblotsky appears to have run numerous film festivals and other arts events as moneymaking ventures over the years, among them the Beverly Hills Film Festival 2000 and Angelciti International Film & Music Market 2001. His companies – listed variously as Angelciti Multimedia Inc., Angel City Film And Music Market, et al – made money mainly from their high entry fees. They also sold booths, websites and other services of borderline value to filmmakers.
An anonymous post on badbusinessbureau.com's Ripoff Report claimed that Zoblotsky "lied, did almost NO marketing, and everything they promised about the event has failed to materialize." A similar pattern of unsubstantiated complaints can be found sprinkled throughout the Internet. That and a couple bucks will get you a fancy cup of coffee, but a story on indieWIRE entitled "What's the Deal with the New York International Independent Film and Video Fest?" verifies some of these accusations.
NYIFV fest participant Will Lyman told indieWIRE's Anthony Kaufman that the Zoblotsky-run New York Independent Film and Video Festival 2000 forged a check in his name for $1,200, among other things.

Seattle filmmaker Peter Wick told the Galaxaco Newsletter that his overall experience with Zoblotsky at NYIFV and Angelciti was positive. He admitted that the whole operation seemed
to fall apart after Zoblotsky moved to L.A., where it didn't take long for some in the film community to consider Zoblotsky and his various new fests "a joke." Wick is no longer in contact with Zoblotsky, but doesn't mind having won an award at NYIFV.

Adam Zoblotsky (and Larry S. Hartman) filed for an IPO for ANGELCITI MULTIMEDIA INC during the last days of the dotcom greeding frenzy (01-26-01). Their SEC filing note that "No assurance is given that we will be able to successfully compete with renowned film festivals" such as Cannes and Sundance. The disclaimer "We have a long history of losses and we anticipate that losses will continue … we will need to obtain additional capital" was a must for any late-90's startup shooting for an IPO. According to the filing, Zoblotsky "served as creative director in the New York City office of Buffalo Jeans, a Canadian clothing manufacturer, and received a B.A. degree from the Fashion Institute of Technology."
These days Zoblotsky and Hartman are operating online casinos under
their AngelCiti Entertainment company name, and trying again for an IPO. As of May 2002 their Nevada holding company "no longer produces live film and music events and [has] changed the focus of [its] operations to online gaming operations and management."

"We're very proud to provide the online gambling community with
the personal attention and treatment they deserve," remarked AngelCiti CEO Larry Hartman. "We operate with the same level of professionalism and pride as any highly regarded land-based casino, and we look forward to demonstrating our industry-leading commitment to customer service." Angelciti's various online casinos suffered losses of $1,568,880 on total bets of $6,906,028 for the nine months ending September 30, 2002.

The Angelciti casino group's latest SEC filing lists some deeply disturbing names among its investors, including but not limited to Tom Arnold, Morgan Fairchild, Jim Nabors, Johnnie Walker, Blair Witch and Adam Zoblotsky. My limited access to the EDGAR database and short attention span prevented me from digging deeper.

Brian from HUFF called me back a third time, still pretending to be excited about my film. So I began peppering him with questions about Zoblotsky. For example, it turns out he just lent out his name for the fest. His good name!!! Common practice in the fest world, says Brian. (This year's festival director is Christian Skovly, who did not return calls for this article in
a timely manner. The domain hufilmfest.com is still listed under Zoblotsky's name).

After more chitchat with Brian, I managed to get him to reduce my entry fee to $60, which would "guarantee me a slot in the festival." It still felt like the old fashioned butter-up and hard sell combo ... and what kind of festival
guarantees entry upon receipt of an ever-changing fee anyway? A few more minutes worth of bullplop was exchanged before he started demanding my credit card number again. I hung up on him, the first time I have hung up on someone other than a telemarketer in years. Oh, wait: I had in fact hung up on yet another telemarketer. So don't try to come up here
to Seattle and rip us off, Hollywood fuckheads!

Karl Krogstad Still Makes Films

2005-12-13T00:29:00.000-08:00

Upon moving to town I noticed some posters around that said "KARL KROGSTAD MAKES FILMS." Not just posters of the shitty tabloid size scanned clip art variety shat out at Kinkos, but large format black and white posters, wheatpasted in creatively chosen spots. He got in some legal trouble with the city over these posters in the 80s.

Karl Krogstad - way underground since the swinging sixties

Many, many years later I still can't figure out what kind of filmmaker Krogstad is, although i have been to several of his screenings at the Seattle Art Museum. Unlike some of the other film snobs in town, Karl was fine with jumping to digital video for some of his projects. He made a feature called "Great Uncle Jimmy" that was shot entirely during a weekend party at his house. God bless this low budget, unpretentious man! Krogstad also does fine art, very nice work.

Look closely below the Pike Place Market on Western for the last remaining outdoor "KARL KROGSTAD MAKES FILMS"' poster. It has survived throuhg three decades of Seattle rain. Karl's been around doing his own unique Seattle film scenester thing since the 60's, and he will never die.

www.seahawkssuperbowl.com

2005-12-11T15:56:00.000-08:00

I have been known to buy and sell domain names and www.seahawkssuperbowl.com was on my list, but I never got around to registering it. Looks like I missed out by a few days (see whois info below)! Oh well - the value of a domain name can be measured first by the number of characters, and at 17, seahawkssuperbowl is not that short is it? Go hawks, and let the gold rush for seahawks domain names begin!

Domain Name: SEAHAWKSSUPERBOWL.COM
Registrar: SCHLUND+PARTNER AG
Whois Server: whois.schlund.info
Referral URL: http://registrar.schlund.info
Name Server: NS29.1AND1.COM
Name Server: NS30.1AND1.COM
Status: ACTIVE
Updated Date: 02-dec-2005
Creation Date: 02-dec-2005
Expiration Date: 02-dec-2006

The Seattle Mainstream Media Loves Reggie Watts

2005-12-11T00:20:00.000-08:00

Reggie Watts is the singer for Seattle band Maktub. He has been profiled repeatedly by the local media but his band has never broken nationally. Seattle needed a safe, non-threatening black music scenester for their safe, non-threatening white media to fawn over and Watts stepped up, with the help of his well-connected early booster David Meinert.

Reggie Watts stands out in the lily-white Seattle rock scene.

Born in Germany, Watts grew up in Great Falls, Montana, the son of an African-American Air Force officer and his French wife. Maktub's music is like a half-baked Led Zeppelin with the short, paunchy, afroed Watts replacing Robert Plant as the sex god frontman. We're not buying it. Every second of media time these guys soak up blocks potential exposure for more worthy local acts.

Dave Meinert is King of the Night

2005-12-10T01:13:00.000-08:00

Seattle music promoter and co-owner of the Mirabeau Room nightclub David Meinert asked me if I wanted to "smoke some herbs" the very first time we met. He invited me to a special "secret" appearance by the band Pearl Jam at the Offramp nightclub either that evening or the coming weekend. I guess I can't remember because of the "herbs."

The now hugely fabulous Meinert once managed an industrial band called "Tchkung." This group of anarchists lived in a squat near Beacon Hill filled with expensive Power Macs and musical gear. They once burned money onstage to protest capitalism at a show that cost people six dollars at the door. Stay tuned for stories about Tchkung and their successors, the Infernal Noise Brigade of WTO fame.

A haggard Dave Meinert is articulate even after a long night of rock and roll.

Meinert and I have shared a distanced mutual respect since that day despite his oddball slang for what normal people call "pot" or "marijauna." So much so that I hesitate to write much about him here.

However, one of the bands he manages, Maktub, is so hilariously overrated and overexposed by the local media that they will remain fair game for the Tattler.

David Meinert, entrepeneur, lover of art and music and young women, feeder of stories to Stranger news editor Josh Feit - we salute you!

Chris Cornell Needs Even More Money

2005-12-09T10:50:00.000-08:00

Susan Silver's ex-husband Chris Cornell is suing her because he wants more money. Silver managed Cornell's old band, Soundgarden. Cornell still receives generous monthly checks from a variety of Soundgarden related entities, some controlled by Silver.

The lawsuit alleges that Silver acted with "fraud, oppression and malice," emanating "at least in part from the dissolution of their personal relationship and her incentive to further her career by maximizing the interests of other Soundgarden members."

Hunky former hair farmer Chris Cornell - some schoolgirls love him, some have never heard of him.

And he wants his Grammys back too, and some personal journals. Who else would publicly humiliate themselves in court just to grab yet another million bucks expect someone motivated by greed?

The handsome international rock star Cornell had women throwing themselves at him and towards the end of his marriage to Silver he found it hard to resist the temptation to be unfaithful to her. They divorced in 2002 after 12 years.

Without Silver Cornell would be working as a used car salesman - she literally co-founded the Seattle music scene, and was a very shrewd manager and finanancial planner. Despite the millions she made for him, Cornell apparently still needs more to support his extravagent lifestyle.

Untrained as a vocalist, high school graduate Cornell has needed a series of expensive surgeries to treat throat problems caused by improper singing. He has had rock-star related substance abuse problems too.

Cornell, 41, has a new family who he has flogged to the media at the apparent expense of his first daughter with Silver (Lily, 5). On December 7 he and his 27-year-old wife had a baby boy named, you guessed it - Chris. The also have a 14-month-old daughter, Toni.

He claims that his new European wife had never heard of the band Soundgarden and didn't know who he was. She must have grown up on an isolated farm without access to the broadcast or print media, because Soundgarden is huge in Europe.

Cornell has a new band called Audioslave which has very little if any credibility with today's young people despite the fact that their slick L.A. PR firm gets them placed in Rolling Stone Magazine sent to Cuba so that they would be seen as "political" and "revolutionary."

Silver still lives in Seattle. Cornell moved to L.A. He seeks "punitive" damages from her too, but the punishment he's going to get will come in the form of a loss of his already tenuous credibility with us folks who are sick and tired of the vapid, greedy Bush-era celebrities being vomited out at us by the corporate mass media. Audioslave is not about the music, it's about the marketing of a fake-anarchist corporate "supergroup" and their teenage audience is sophistciated enough to pick up on that.

Chris Cornell will be further humiliated if his handlers allow this lawsuit to progress, and the Tattler will be there!

Savage Responds: "I was poor til age 30"

2005-12-08T10:48:00.000-08:00

thanks for the mini-bio.

but...

i think i was 26 or 27 when i moved to seattle. had no money. worked
shitty jobs - including bar back at the eagle (!). for the first
three years we didn't really get paid to do the stranger. so i was
almost thirty before i made money doing anything other than waiting
tables, which is mostly what i did.

any my mansion on vashon? three bedrooms, one bathroom. falling apart
when we bought it. still needs to be painted. but, hey, i'm grateful.

xo
dan

--
Dan Savage
c/o The Stranger
1535 11th Ave. Third Floor
Seattle, WA 98122

Seattle Smut Superstar Dan Savage Got Rich Quick

2005-12-08T00:01:00.000-08:00

When I announced the debut of the Seattle Tattler blog last week Dan Savage, editor and co-owner of the Stranger, emailed me, saying he was entertained by the "Almost Live" story, and asking where we had worked together. He said it would have to either be a restaurant or the Stranger (I worked at the Stranger for over two years) but he "didn't remember."

That restaurant Dan worked at as a waiter, briefly, before he became famous, gets alot of mileage from Savage and his cohort Tim Keck, Stranger publisher. They love to tell stories about the early days when they were struggling to get by. The truth is, they blew into town, started a paper, and became literally overnight successes thanks to a unique comedic style inherited from Keck's previous paper, The Onion, and a gay/straight/irreverent/fuckyou synergy. Oh, and also thanks to timing - every youthful poser from here to Kansas was flocking to Seattle in the early 90s because of that grunge thing, and the only alt-weekly they had to read was the incredibly clueless hippy-dippy Seattle Weekly, which then was 75 cents. The phone sex revenue didn't hurt either. Who could have imagined that hip, attractive twenty-somethings would need to resort to expensive phone personals in order to hook up?

Dan Savage - capitalist pig or advocate for the poor?

Savage's opinionated, repulsive, sexually explicit weekly syndicated sex advice column helped buy him a mansion on an island, and for this he is loved and hated by gays and straights alike. Some think he got too rich too soon, without paying any dues - like a rock star. A guy named George Clark even took it upon himself to devote ten years of his life to satirizing Savage and the Stranger on behalf of the anti-Savage wing of the local gay biker community. Savage has also received more than his share of death threats and other weird correspondence from neo-nazis, kooks, and crazies. It's just part of his job.

Dan Savage is a very privileged person, and although I think talented creative types like him deserve every penny they can wrench out of the system for being daring and original and all that, I hope he never forgets the working class everyman that he advocates for sometimes in his non-union newspaper. His days of bitter struggle did not shape him as an artist, because he never had any.

Exclusive Interview with Seattle Low-Budget Filmmaker Brian LaBrecque

2005-12-07T00:17:00.000-08:00

Seattle Underground film godfather Karl Krogstad recommended that Seattle Undiewood Superstar Brian LaBrecque call me for a meeting of the minds. Or at least that's what Brian told me when he called me at four in the morning recently. LaBrecque is a very bitter and angry person who made a funny film called Far Too Gone. He wanted me to invest in his next project, but settled for this interview on my internationally respected blog instead.

Seattle Tattler: So let's get right to the point - you see the Seattle art scene as being retarded, inbred, inclusive... like a clusterfuck of talentless, simpering fools?
Brian LaBrecque: Inbred would be polite, more like incestuous, like as-in brother and sister fucking eachother's shitty projects till they bleed out their ass. Pushing away and discouraging any decent script and idea if it doesn't smell like Dave Hanagan's palm. I think most of the local film groups here are plants by by the majors to implode and destruct any creativity much like a cinematic
bug-zapper.
Editor's note: Dave Hanagan of the Northwest Film Forum is one of the few Seattle film scenesters that is on the Tattler's "untouchable" list because of the favors he has done for me, and because I like him. He does a lot of hard work and helps alot of artists for a modest salary and that's admirable in a town where someone with his talents could be making big bucks being a corporate tool.

Oh and don't get me started on the local "film festivals". I mean when a Seattle-shot film about a transvestite who think's he's Tori Amos doesnt get chosen for the Seattle GLBT film Fest then somethings very wrong. But this is the same type of fest where a 400 minute pic shot on 8mm about a coming of age nurse in Romania who spends 7 hours thinking about pussy and at the end of the movie they just drink tea and discuss politics and shit... I mean what the fuck!!!?!?!?

Brian LaBrecque as Tori Amos in Far Too Gone

What about the "Fucking Fabulous Film Festival?" We both did projects that were apparently not fabulous enough for them. You'd think they would bother to call local filmmakers for a nice rejection chat, especially if they have requested their films in the first place. They showed no local features this year.
If I were to comment on that particular festival unrestrained, the venom and bile that would come out of my mouth would fill the fucking room 8 feet high.
Sweet.

I loved the low-budget-ness of Far Too Gone, it has a certain charm and humor, but it looks like it was all shot in a weekend with no script and no budget, kind of like my films....
No offense Rex, but that's NOT how I shot it, It was very thoroughly written and painstakingly well shot considering I had no budget. I was a 11 day shoot and a $5,500 budget, most went to beer and pizza.

Tell us truthfully about the deal with Go-Kart distribution..what have they done for you? Get any money, an advance? Why is their website so lame-with unfinished links to contaxct info and so forth....
Websites are very deceiving... Go-Kart DID give me an advance, they DID give me the opportunity to build a special-edition DVD with tons of features( they even paid for the extra EQ I needed). And they DID press a TON of DVDs and distributed across the US, just like they said they would. I am NOT in Blockbuster, but they were very upfront about that so its cool. And by the way, they are negotiating a European Distribution Deal as we speak to get "Far Too Gone" out in the U.K. and beyond.

Do you sell any copies on Amazon?
The Amazon sales go thru Koch-Lorber so I don't see the specific numbers just for Amazon.

Whats the next project...are you really looking for 50,000? Whats so no budget about that?
Actually $100,000.
I never said I liked NO BUDGET!!!
I need money!

Have you ever tried working with actors from the local theatre scene? Did this group of people come out of nowhere?
When I made Far Too Gone, all the talent came thru Craigslist and some local callboards. Everyone was great, Everyone worked their ASS off for free and my producer worked his ass off for almost free. Special kudos to Kyna Morgan who was the best Associate Producer that pizza can buy! And Eric Scott, my producer who took the unshaped mold which was my talented script and idea and helped me craft it into a masterpiece!

Oh if you mean "theater" well Brian Jones "grandpa" in FTG, is a star in the
Portland theater scene.

Can a a heterosexual man get away with playingo Tori Amos in drag? Are you a homosexual?
Hey asshole, It aint nothin for me to slay some tang. I am the vulva-slayer!

"Dumber than Napoleon, louder than dynamite, more Jew than Jesus, it's Far Too Gone!"

I like the bluntess of the Tori Amos character FTG...it's
very, un-Seattle...people are so polite here.
Polite!?!?!? HAHAHAHA People in this town are too stuck up, and they don't
fuck nearly enough.

Whats the next project?

www.effingbrutal.com

Cover your crotch as we dive into the strange and oft disturbing
sub-culture of cross-dressing urban cults and un-heroes. Set in Seattle,
Effing Brutal tells the story of Josh Lowell, a transvestite-in-denial, who
believes he's Tori Amos. Josh and his chronically bleeding Kung-Fu
side-kick Larry inadvertently join a transvestite cult known as the "Strict
Nine". At war with the Strict Nine are a violent skateboarder cult known
only as the V.O.T.S. (or: Victims Of The System). In the midst of this
alt-cult war, Josh is kidnapped by the V.O.T.S., and in order to rescue him,
Larry must call upon the unlikeliest team of superheroes on Earth: TEAM
BRUTAL!!!!!!!!!!

Coming Wednesday: Seattle gonzo filmmaker Brian LaBrecque tells all!

2005-12-06T14:50:00.000-08:00

I will begin my brutally honest assement of the Seattle film scene tommorow with an interview with Brian LaBrecque, director of Too Far Gone, the story of a man who dresses like Tori Amos and then harasses people! Brian is one of the most refreshingly honest artists I have met in a long time, and he is quite willing to speak his mind about some of the jackasses we both have encountered in Seattle's film scene.

Exclusive Interview with Porn Fugitive Seth Warshavsky

2005-12-06T02:39:00.000-08:00

Seth Warshavsky was hailed as a boy genius for creating a pyramid scheme based on hype and delusionary greed - in other words, he was CEO of a successful Seattle dot-com company in the late 90s. Before creating Internet Entertainment group Seth made millions in the phone sex racket as a protege of Seattle phone smut pioneer Ian Eisenberg. Yet he claimed in repeated interviews that he did not consume porn! Two of our sources, longtime employees of the Lusty Lady peep show on First Avenue, claim otherwise. "We were kicking him out of there for being underage. He was well known, a well known young pervert," claimed a former manager. "Seth had a very small penis. Once he turned 18 he was in here contantly," said Eden, a veteran Lusty Lady dancer.

Strippers at the Lusty Lady accused Seth Warshavsky of having a small penis

Warshavsky's IEG was bankrolled by Ruth Parasol, a shrewd, "drop dead gorgeous" grey-market entrepeneur who is now one of the richest women in the world. She sold her interest in IEG in 1996 well before it collapsed and moved to England to get into the internet poker racket with partypoker.com and other sites. Fled to England is more like it, because she faces criminal charges if she ever returns to the U.S. Hopefully the 1.8 billion dollars she has makes her feel better about that situation.

And Seth is in Thailand. I reached him through the miracle of Skype technology - a service that allows you to make free phone calls. I think he agreed to cooperate because he thought some of my massive street credibility would rub off on him. Also, I never blabbed to the media once his ship went down, even though I was offered money by some shady lawyers representing Pamela and Tommy Lee to do so. And did I mention that his dad was my cable guy for many years?

Seattle Tattler: What are you doing these days Seth?
Seth Warshavsky: I live in Thailand.

Can you tell me where?
No.

Look, I need some dirt here, what have you got. Do you got any money left?
I have enough money to live ten comfortable lifetimes in the US, and fifty in Thailand.

I'm interested in how you duped the media. Looking back on old articles about you from the dotcom era from time, Newsweek, The Wall Street Journal, you name it - they never bothered to check facts, did they?
You are asking the person who created the Pamela And Tommy Lee sex tape phenomenon whether he knows how to manipulate the media? Another time I sent out a press release saying that two virgins were going to fuck live on the internet, one morning before I had coffee, and by dinner every media outlet in the world was buzzing with the "news." It was all bullshit, desinged to drive traffic to our site network.

Those crazy late-90s dot-com days... What happened to that guy Derek, the Lawyer you had working for you, the one who had a picture of an island on the wall of his office? He kept telling people: "I will buy an island after working here."
I don't keep track of those people. But I'll bet he does have an island.

Do you have an island?
No, I have an apartment in Hong Kong with one of my mistresses there, and some places in North Thailand. A country estate and some condos in Bangkok.

That nasally thing that you do with your voice, that "honk." Didn't you have lots of surgeries for sinus problems? Were they drug related? Do you have Tourettes?
I don't have to answer that. I'm still alive aren't I? Time to wrap it up.

Any regrets...things you should have done while still in Seattle?
I have some scores to settle let's just say that.

Are you involved in any new projects?
I'm working with underprivileged kids, shipping over outdated computers from the west on a large scale and distributing them to families. (A phone rings in the background - he answers it nd begins screaming in Thai)

Okay, Okay one more. Are you worried about being prosecuted for fraud or money laundering in the States? Are you worried that Pamela and Tommy Lee will come after you for the settlement money they won?
I'm the best thing that ever happened to those two. And the Thai government is happy to have me here helping their economy. I've gotta go, one of my girlfriends is having a crisis with her car service. Call me next year, I may have some big news.

Tattler to Interview Exiled Porn Innovator Seth Warshavsky

2005-12-05T11:39:00.000-08:00

On August 3 2000 former Seattle Internet porn king Seth Warshavsky was exposed as a swindler and psychopathic liar in a five page article in Rolling Stone. The author, Evan Wright, worked undercover at Warshavsky's company, IEG, all the while digging information up for his big expose. It was journalistic dishonesty all around, because while Wright was lying to Warchavsky about the nature of his business there, Warchavsky was lying to everyone, especially the gullible media, but also credit card victims and unpaid vendors and employees. Even fallen porn king Bob Guccione, was victimized by poor Seth, in a deal that ironically marked the downfall of the printed porn magazine, and Guccione's own descent from the ranks of the very rich to just being rich.

Now here's the scoop - I worked for Seth too. In fact, during my seven week tenure at IEG, I would literally roll out of bed and walk two blocks down the street in Belltown to go work in the heat of the action, the spot where the marketing for the Tommy Lee and Pamela Anderson video was conceived. Seth was a marketing genius responsible for other classic publicity stunts including a 1998 lawsuit over a sex video of Pamela Anderson and Bret Michaels, a l998 lawsuit by actor Kelsey Grammer over a sex video, nude photographs of Dr. Laura Schlessinger, Papalvisit.com, a pope-porn site, and the "Our First Time" hoax.

The tape that helped IEG gross over 200 million a year before the dotcom implosion.

Seth lived across the street from the office in the penthouse of the Pacific Towers, a brand new dotcom era Seattle condo, and was known to roar out of the parking garage in his Jaguar, swearing at pedestrians. I soaked up all the information I could while at IEG, and also established a relationship with Seth whose father, seriously, was my cable guy.

While I kept my mouth shut, Evan Wright beat me to the scoop and launched a brilliant career in the process. Unlike Evan, I have still have acess to Seth, and over the course the last month I have interviewed him several times using Skype technology to call him in Thailand, where he lives a life of luxury on a five hundred acre estate. Evan Wright moved on to more dangerous adventures - he literally rode in with the troops at the start of the second Gulf War, then wrote a fantastic bestseller about it: Generation Kill: Devil Dogs, Iceman, Captain America, and the New Face of American War.

Seth will immediately be sent to prison for embezelling millions of dollars from a huge cast of suckers if he ever returns to America. So what the hell does he do over there? Find out in the next post: EXCLUSIVE INTERVIEW WITH PORN FUGITIVE SETH WARSHAVSKY!

Almost Live is Almost Jive

2005-12-04T15:57:00.000-08:00

Re-runs of Embarassing Seattle Sketch Comedy Show Still Pollute Local Airwaves

An alarming trend has awakened the need for the Seattle Tattler to speak out against unfunny sketch comedy show Almost Live. Why? Because KONG-TV now plays re-runs of the show (which ran from 1984-1999) every weeknight at 11:30 and that makes me wonder why something new and fresh is not in that same time slot. The show that was never really alive to begin with comedically now refuses to die.

According to the imdb Almost Live "had a short run on the Ha! network (which eventually evolved into Comedy Central). Despite their producing some non-Seattle-centric skits, it never caught on with a national audience." That's because the show never represented the real Northwest, just the uninspired, timid, undaring "spirit" of a dozen or so bland, corporate white people.

John Keister - falls short in the laugh department even with local material that would seem to write itself

The Almost Live Reunion Special on September 12th was a failure. It was mostly a re-run of skits from old episodes, with a few new bits thrown in - recyling their themes of mocking Seattle's poor. As part of the "where are the cast members now" opening skit host John Keister is seen working at Dick's burger joint. Flipping burgers is not a joke for literally millions of Americans. The "Folk Songs of South King County" infomercial and the "Studs of South King County" skit make fun of the poor, with their trucker hats and their chewing tobacco and their bad hair. I'm not sure that such material is funny to many of the residents of South King County, a place with a Wal-Mart and lots of people walking around looking like they bought their clothes there and then ate at Wendy's. Almost Live's ongoing joke of mocking non-yuppies was played to death and then some, and then ressurected for the special.

Rare appearance of black people on Almost Live, playing stereotypical burly thugs.

John Keister, Pat Cashman, Tracey Conway, Nancy Guppy, Bob Nelson, Bill Stainton, Steve Wilson, Joel McHale and Ed Wyatt appeared on the reunion special, and frequent guest Bill Nye did an uninspired bit with Keister. Nye achieved international fame as his 'science guy" character with Disney. Bob Nelson, Keister's less unfunny counterpart and writer of some of AL's more passable skits, just wrote the screenplay for a movie called Nebraska, to be directed by Alexander Payne of "About Schmidt" fame. Perky, petite and persistent oddball Nancy Guppy remains a local media personality as the host of City A Go Go on the Seattle Channel. Tracey Conway suffered a near fatal heart attack because of an undiagnosed genetic defect, and then did a deadpan serious tv commercial for a local health clinic. Pat Cashman is a popular local media personality on radio and tv. He has an uncanny resemblance to Bryan Cranston, who plays the dad on Fox TV's Malcom in The Middle and has been appearing regularly in TV roles since the days of CHiPs.

Almost Live cast (with Pat Cashman look-alike Bryan Cranston in inset)

It is tragic that the resources of an entire tv studio, a large crew, and the broadcast time which Almost Live has managed to soak up over ten years could be squandered on a show that is unfunny and unreflective of the true northwest comic spirit. The folks behind Almost Live, particularly the host John Keister (Keister means "ass" in Yiddish) were given a golden opportunity to do something funny that would put Seattle comedy on the map. The point is not that the Almost Live folks were overseen by a corporate parent and perhaps unable to do anything remotely daring, political or funny because of this, the point is that the goddman show is still running Monday through Saturday (King/Kong has a long tradition of running late nite Almost Live re-runs after Saturday Night Live) which is an embarassment to our city and an insult to our multiethnic history and culture, and is also blocking the opportunity for some new group of comedians who are passionate to do a locally based show. I know they are out there.

John Keister and Bill Nye - can you guess which one has aged terribly?

Almost Live host John Keister and the five other caucasian cast members played to an exclusively white audience in their homespun ripoff of Saturday Night Live. There are no minorites in the studio audience at all, to the best of our knowledge. (TATTLER CONTEST! Videotape a re-run of Almost Live and find us a non-white audience member. WIN $5!)

Stay tuned for future Almost Live updates from the Seattle Tattler!

COUNTING THE COBAINBUCK$

2005-12-03T16:46:00.000-08:00

Here's a link to an early Seattle Tattler story, as originally published in the Belltown Messenger:
COUNTING THE COBAINBUCK$ - The Top Thirteen People Who Profit from the Legacy of Deceased Rock Star Curt Cobain

Welcome to the Seattle Tattler

2005-12-03T10:28:00.000-08:00

Pete Lallich, my brilliant high school history teacher, used to say that my opinions and 79 cents would get him a cup of coffee. In that spirit, I'd like to begin my first blog, which will hopefully grow into a quarterly publication of quality satire, to be printed on the finest Canadian newsprint. Seattle Tattler will have a code of honor: we will be kind to people we admire, and merciless to those we believe to be pigs.

As someone who has been in Seattle since 1990 and worked for a colorful cast of characters including Seth Warchavsky (internet porn king, now in exile in Thailand), grunge goddess Susan Silver (manager of Soundgarden and Alice In Chains), Dan Savage (gay sex advice columnist and editor of alternative weekly the Stranger), Tim Harris (publisher of homeless newspaper Real Change) and Jean Baptise (not real name; unscrupulous Pioneer Square rock promoter) I feel more than qualified to edit the Tattler.

Tattler will ridicule four dollar cups of coffee and anti-global warming stickers on fossil-fuel-burning vehicles and the image of Seattle as a nature-loving, progressive city, which is a lie. But most of all we will be profiling individual Seattleites and their impact on the outside world. Stay tuned for daily updates and mini-bios of the folks mentioned above, with many more to come.